PANIC PANTSMichael Mahalchick
organized by Tatiana Kronberg
June 28th - August 2nd
Opening Sunday, June 28th, 6 to 8 pm
One kilo of black radishes; three white hens; one head of garlic; four kilos of honey; one mirror; two calf’s livers; one brick; two clothespins; two false moustaches; two hats of your choice.
Mix well and simmer. Pluck the hens, carefully setting aside the feathers. With a spatula, spread the four kilos of honey on the bedsheets, sprinkle the chicken-feathers on the honey-smeared sheets. Now, make the bed carefully.The feathers do not all have to be white—they can be any color, but make sure you avoid Guinea hen feathers, which sometimes provoke a state of prolonged nymphomania, or dangerous cases of priapism.
To relax your nerves, smile and try on the mustaches and hats, whichever you prefer (three- cornered Napoleonic, cardinal’s hat, lace cap, Basque beret, etc.).
Put the two clothespins in a saucer and set it near the bed. From this moment on, everything must be done very quickly. Run and pour the broth (which should have a certain consistency) into a cup. As quickly as possible, return with it to the mirror, smile, take a sip of broth, try on one of the mustaches, take another sip, try on a hat, drink, try on everything, taking sips in between. Do all this as rapidly as you possibly can. When you have consumed all the broth, run to the bed and jump between the prepared sheets, quickly take the clothespins and put one on each big toe. These clothespins must be worn all night, firmly pressed to the nails, at a 45° angle from the toes.
This simple recipe guarantees good results, and normal people can proceed pleasantly from a kiss to strangulation, etc., etc. Recipes for more complicated cases, such as necrophilia, autophagia, tauromachia, alpinism, and others, can be found in a special volume in our collection of Discreetly Healthy Advice.
- Remedios Varo, excerpt from "A Recipe: How to Produce Erotic Dreams"